WEEk 1 – Here We Go Again!

Not yet forty and I’ve worked over 50 different jobs. During the summer of 1993 I worked as a busboy on Mackinac Island (www.mackinacisland.org) . It was probably the best (fell in love with poetry) & worst (my anti-social addictive behaviors skyrocketed) summer of my life. The Island is one of those magical places where it feels like everything in the world stops for a moment and breathes in its serene surroundings and silky air. So when I was considering where to start year 2—The Island was the only choice that came to mind.

I arrived in Mackinaw City (www.mackinawcity.com) late in the day, so I bedded down in the old Travel Lodge—now called Great Lakes Inn: A quaint 46-room hotel on the South edge of town owned by a friendly German couple. The week day rates are great-I stayed 2 nights and the total was just under $100, and the gal running the place (Allison) was knowledgeable, friendly and very helpful.

Upon arrival in town I quickly learned that a lot of the young employees schlepping fudge, taffy, and t-shirts, are here on work visas—which leaves a bittersweet residue on my palate. I spoke briefly with one such worker and learned she was hoping to stay in America, hoping to find a husband. *Tada* instant marriage-just add one knucklehead. And right on cue – I walked in. I spent this week researching ‘marriage fraud’ and deciding the only way I’d marry this girl is if we actually become husband and wife. Hey, why not? Like marriages here work out very often the old-fashioned way. Not knowing each other before getting married might actually give us a chance, right? But, alas, it was not meant to be-she is looking into other options. If I was her and there was an option other than attaching for life to this often offbeat stranger I’d go for it too! I guess I need to cancel my reservations at the chapel in Las Vegas. Does God do refunds?

So free from the chains of marriage I snuck off to view the sunset at my secret place-a rock, a couple miles West of Mackinaw City. Watching the sunset here is worth the trip, even if you do nothing else while there. Directions: follow the main street (Central) West out of town. The road ends in a ‘T’ – turn right and travel half a mile to the water’s edge. You can park there and see an excellent unadulterated view of the ‘Mighty Mac’ bridge to your right. Walk along the shoreline toward the bridge and you’ll find a huge rock jutting out of the water. Perch yourself atop the rock and watch the sun delve into the water—but first check the rock for current seagull whitewashing. Then…shh! Don’t tell anyone else about the spot—it’s a secret!

I made it to the Island the following day. Tips for the ferry ride—enroute to the island sit on the left, returning from the island sit on the right, and if the weather is friendly sit on the top deck. The ferry docked just before high noon, I ducked into a phone booth to change (ok it was the ferry companies’ bathroom) and headed out amidst the 90+ heat to run the 8 miles around the perimeter of the island. It was too hot for the run, and I was too stupid not to run, so I ran. And ran. And ran. At one point a nervous older lady smartly choosing to bike around, stopped and offered me water. Thank God for compassionate souls! The view around is worth the trip, but I recommend taking a bike. A special treat not on any of the maps is a couple miles in (travelling counter-clockwise from town)—where some kind spirit(s) have built rock formations on the shoreline—simply breathtaking and meditative.

A little over an hour later I was back at the center of town, having completed my idea of torturous fun, dripping sweat. Stripping down to bare feet and running shorts I snuck over to the marina, slipping past the boats and down a dock ladder to cool off in the pristine (read: chilly!) waters. And all was again right with the world.

If it’s your first trip and you can afford it I suggest spending a night on the island. I couldn’t and didn’t, but the night-life on the island is something to behold, containing a menagerie of calm cool night winds, bats battling for bugs, and musical entendres billowing from various bars. I suggest pizza at The Mustang (www.mustangonmackinac.com) , but the food is good everywhere.

If you stay the night in Mackinaw City, I recommend dining at Darrow’s Family Restaurant (www.darrowsrestaurant.com) , one of the few restaurants left which retains the taste and quality of down home cookin’. I stuffed myself too much on dinner, but have heard their pies redefine delicious—so save room.

Leaving Mackinaw City and heading South I was eventually drawn to the Michigan Welcome Center (www.michigan.org/Welcome-Centers/Default.aspx) . An oddity for the middle of the state, many miles from any other state border. But in case you were asleep at the wheel for the past several hours, then WELCOME TO MICHIGAN! Travelling along US-127, you’ll find it just North of the city of Clare. It’s basically a rest area injected with a plethora of information about Michigan. During business hours the information room is open and staffed by knowledgeable residents. Basically it has brochures for every city, county, entertainment site, roadside attraction, golf course, and camping ground in the state. If you arrive there with an idea of where you’re going make sure to tell the workers and they can point you to other nearby attractions, and maybe save you a few bucks. I asked about Mackinac Island and one worker handed me a coupon worth $3 off the price of the ferry (a bit of a bummer since I had already gone and was on my way from there). I did encounter a group of eight or ten Asian men and women, none of whom had a camera tethered around their necks—stereotypes be damned!

Give My Regards To God’s Wonders

I come from a long line of world-class worriers and having not yet heard from Joyce I began to do what we do best, worry. Just before three o’clock this afternoon Joyce did call and we set up a lunch meeting tomorrow.

 

We didn’t spend much time on the phone as she was packing her car for the drive home, so I had to flatten my desire to have a thousand questions answered right now, but we did talk for a few moments.

 

In my sleepy state I mistakenly thought Joyce said she was going to Albuquerque, but it turns out she drove to Schaumburg, Illinois to visit an old friend. A third friend flew into O’Hare from New Mexico.

 

The first thing Joyce said was that they were the only school friends that still kept in touch. Joyce said that she and Margie, the woman who flew in, were the only two openly gay people in all of Northern Michigan in the early sixties. She said they never dated, but they used to walk around town holding hands just to freak people out. She was laughing the whole time she was telling me this, what a hoot!

 

Before hanging up with me, and yes I was clear within a few minutes that she was leading the conversation, she mentioned that Mary may have dated little Tommy Wilson before marrying old man Moskowitz. That’s just how she said it too, “little Tommy Wilson” & “old man Moskowitz.”

 

She doesn’t seem to equate the name ‘Artie’ with little Tommy and that’s why she didn’t say anything the last time we spoke, but on my end of the phone I was dancing like a little boy myself upon hearing her mention him. Then she said that if I can find Mary’s son, he would probably still have all her papers and diaries and such. I can’t believe she left me with that, but she did.

 

So as I’m getting closer to finding Artie, I’m now searching for not one, but two people I’ve never met. What a wonderful day. It’s been several hours since talking to Joyce and yet I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling yet. I’m so darned excited that I’m sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

 

Being my last day near Mackinaw I decided to look for an ‘off the grid’ beach or public access. I decided to travel West on Central Ave., which is the one way’s downtown with all the souvenir shops. Going East Central Ave. dumps right into Shepler’s ferry dock. But traveling West it ends at Hiawatha Hawk Ranch. By turning right and following the road as it turns to a single-lane dirt path, I stumbled (more likely led) upon a fantastic view of the Lake and The Bridge and all the shoreline one would care to wander. I suggest water shoes since rocks take the place of sand here, but it’s so beautiful I must recommend it to anyone traveling up north. It’s amazingly only about 2-3 miles away from all the souvenir shops, but I would have believed I was hours away.

 

Walking the shoreline toward the bridge, there’s some larger rocks, including one screaming loudest toward the hidden sun. It was there I sat and contemplated all of God’s beauty which he bestowed to the world. The simple yet genuine diversities making up the millions of pebbles on that particular beach – simply beautiful. Just like all the people, beautiful. It was there that I thanked God for allowing me to participate in that beauty. I pray you’re all participating in that beauty today too. Ah! This is the paradise I seek. This is Up North is all about.

 

One last mentionable – Over heard while buying coffee at a gas station: “That gum’s going to heaven, cause you’re chewing the hell out of it girl.”

 

Peace & love.

Cross In The Woods

“It’s raining in Mackinaw baby, everything else is the same.” What song am I ripping off there? I had to, it’s apropos. And it fits.

 

Two towns on the map piqued my curiosity and having a day to blow off I headed for Bliss and Van, Michigan. I found Bliss rather sparse – apparently Bliss exists without any apparent needs, hmm, and Van passed me by when I blinked en route to Pellston. Too bad because I had this great idea where I would park the van next to the sign which points to which direction the town of Van is. Ok, it sounded much funnier in my head.

 

FYI – Joyce is supposed to call tonight, so tomorrow’s post should take us back to tracking down Artie rather than becoming just another travel blog.

 

Around yet another lake (how many friggin lakes can one state have?) I happened upon The Cross In The Woods and must say it is a very serene and pleasant place to relax, ponder, meditate, or levitate. Threw that last one in just to see who’s paying attention. I really enjoyed the Canticle Meditation Walk based on St. Francis of Assissi’s Canticle of the Creatures. It was a walk in the park, literally, along a wood-chipped trail. Although I was kept from deepening my meditation when I remembered my friend Kelly mentioned before I left that he’s only known two people to be bit by Michigan rattlesnakes – both while walking through the woods in sandals. I looked down and GULP! You guessed it – I’m wearing sandals. So I kept a keen eye out for rustling twigs and wood chips.

 

Anyway it was a beautiful experience. And then, of course, it happened. I really tried not to let it happen: I scanned the free attraction leaflets, I visited the little boys room, and I even took pictures of chipmunks, but in the end into the gift shop I went. Perusing the racks and shelves I noticed how ironic that The Cross In The Woods is so commercialized. Secretly I kept hoping a brown-caped Jesus look-a-like would ask to help me find something to buy amongst the commemorative shooter & shot glass sets, books about getting the most money when selling your house, and a plethora of plastic popes. Jesus never appeared, and even though the rosary with beads made to resemble miniature footballs was calling to the wannabe linebacker inside me, I left souvenir free, again.

 

FYI – Still waiting for Joyce to call, but considering what time she called last time I’d say it’s much to early to expect her.

Coldwater to Mt. Pleasant via Akron

So I left Coldwater early Thursday morning, drove to Akron Oh, and then back to Mt. Pleasant, Mi arriving around 3:30 am. Not exactly the most economical route for a trip, but that’s exactly what happened.

While I was in Akron I was given a private tour of a historical house after which I felt led to return home. It seems I had a couple things to take care of back here. The first involved helping someone who I had given my word to, and the second involved making amends.

Neither the helping, nor the amends ended well. The help wasn’t really desired, and my self-centered desires and actions that created the need for amends went further before the amends commenced. Needless to say I’m really disappointed with myself and how I allowed my wants to become mingled where someone else’s needs should have been the priority. Now I feel left with an overwhelming feeling of ‘aloneness.’

I’m thinking God, the Creator, knew very well what I would be feeling and thus he brought me home to be among friends for a few days.

love truly no matter what.

Last Night In My Bed

Tomorrow I move out of the house I was renting and into the 1988 GMC Vandura. Today was filled with packing and moving, and tomorrow will be filled with the same + cleaning.

OK – now it’s starting to sink in – I’ve been preparing for a few months and we’ll see just how well I prepared for this excursion. Today I got a reminder that no matter how well I follow the boyscout credo, life will still happen. Today life happened in two distinct surprises: 1) The side door on the van didn’t want to shut – I had to play with the door’s innards for a few minutes before it would latch shut & 2) When I went to start my laptop the power button snapped & I had to wiggle it for a few to get it turned on (please don’t read into that last statement).

Anyway I’m excited to start the adventure, I feel like I’ve put so much on hold just waiting for it to get here. And now it’s here.

Many have asked if I have a specific route I’m planning and all I can say is we’ll see where the search for ‘Artie’ takes me. I’m sure wherever I happen to go, I’ll be following the road to happy destiny. And perhaps I’ll meet some of you along the way.

On an entirely different note: With all my recent contemplation of love I think it’s fitting that I end tonight by telling the one whose heart God, the Creator, has for mine that I miss her already. I love you very much, wherever you are. Sleep well.

peace.

Almost Vandwelling

Two more nights of luxurious sleep in my comfy queen-sized bed then into the van. The van bed does include 4 inches of foam, but nothing to get jealous over.

A few times today I became a bit emotional. I had dinner with the rents and i got a little verklempt. I did shed a few tears later in the evening. As I write this I feel better about leaving than I have all month.

I spent a lot of time tonight sitting with the word love and wrestling with all the varieties and flavors people often peddle as love. I must admit my mind has never done very well with theories of absolute proportion such as love, so it might seem odd for me to spend so much time considering love.

I have no defense for what my mind might be doing, but I will offer a bit of reasoning. I believe that we all secretly desire a life surrounded by love. Some of us have done so well at burying this desire that it often shows up twisted and unrecognizable within ourselves. Sometimes we fill ourselves with everything else that when love shows up we have no place to put it.

Anyway my main mental struggle with love is this: If love is the most amazing emotion in the world, and if love creates health and harmony, and if we all agree that the more love we have in the world the better the world is for all of us, then why don’t we spend more of our only limited resource, time, surrounding ourselves with love and focusing on how we can love others?

If God, our Creator, is love – then it would follow that the only moments I truly spend with Him are when I’m acting from love.

Mentally Adventurous

So in a week I’ll be living in a van. What route does one have to take in life for this statement to be an invitation to a meditative journey of freedom? I wonder what my old high-school guidance counselor would say. Anyway the hour is almost upon me and my mind is beginning its tricks as my thoughts have been rather ubiquitous and unorganized lately. I thought it might be fun to take a peek into my mind for a minute. Here’s what it looks like throughout the day:

1 – A lot of my time is spent in contemplation about life, love, and my relationships to friends, family, belief systems, money, emotions, etc.

2 – I have moments of deep loneliness – I think I’m pre-grieving leaving all my daily comforts (especially my friends).

3 – What are all the last minute preparations necessary to live on the road?

4 – Fears are kicking in strong – mostly fears of the unknown and fears of failure (which I think is really just the fear of what other’s will think of me if I fail).

5 – I’ve been focusing more on writing poetry, but all that comes up is love poetry – which I generally don’t write too much of. Maybe it’s all the emotional turbulence being created by preparing to leave.

6 – What about the book? For two days I haven’t thought about the book – and this is one of the reasons for the trip.

7 – And as you can imagine, these thoughts tend to travel in cycles. One really good sign is that through all of the diverse thought topics and patterns, my level of serenity has stayed relatively consistent. The gentle sways that have occurred in my serenity are due to an upswing in surfacing emotions. This is a good thing as it leads to a growing level of emotional maturity.

8 – God exists in many of these thoughts, and I’ve really been leaning on the simple prayer “God, help me to want what you want.” This, I hope, keeps selfish agendas out of the way.

That’s all for now. peace.

Leggo my Ego

So I was looking back at my teaser post about the book, when I realized just how foreign the statement “outgrow ego” seemed when I first heard it, so I figured I’d put down what I believe it means – which is no indication of what the man I’m chasing may believe it to mean.

To me outgrowing one’s ego is also known as the death of self. Not the physical death, but rather the death of one’s selfishness, self-centeredness, and basically self-absorption with one’s own thoughts, beliefs, wants, needs, and feelings. It’s a transformation to a life of selflessness. Altruism. A life of service. To lay aside personal desires. The commitment to love everyone God puts in our path (life) today. The commitment to continued open-mindedness while seeking to grow closer to God (love).

A life changed from self-centered to other-centered. Remembering always that Love Wins.

peace.

What I believe

I thought it might be time to share my current beliefs. By current I mean in this moment, as changes may – and often do occur well before I recognize them. But they are always based on the idea that the purpose of life is to spread love by being of maximum service to God and other people. By the way – I fall short of this ideal every day.

I believe there is a God who is all powerful and all love. I believe that nothing happens in God’s world by mistake, but there are many things that happen in man’s world of free will that God works with after the fact to help others (help others = spreading love). I also believe that God accepts our free will and therefore isn’t concerned with trivialities like what name we call Him. He is more concerned that we do call upon Him.

I also believe that anything that speaks of separation is from man, not from God.

Now to us – the people of the free will:

I believe that everybody is doing their absolute best everyday based on how spiritually awake/asleep they are, or if you wish - on how connected to God they are. And there is no way to cause harm to another person unless one is in fact spiritually asleep. Therefore the best we can do to spread love to those who cause harm is to become more spiritually awake ourselves.

I also believe that it is more important to watch a man’s feet than it is to watch his lips.

peace.

Meditation vs. Sloth

This trip is to help my life become more of a meditative life; to begin living my life more intentionally; to really seek out what God would have me be.

I can almost feel the fear start bubbling in my chest when I think of these things, and I’m sure that every day between now and departure I can come up with a brand new logical reason for not taking this trip. I already hold a pocket full of ‘what ifs.’

“Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.”

The longer I’m sober, the less I can avoid the urgency of that statement. I’ve often felt that God will lead me to the career or job or business or whatever where He will have me be most useful, but I don’t feel as though he’s done so yet. I really hope I’m not just living in a delusion that allows me to be slothful, but I’m not sure God ever intended me to have a ‘real job.’

But then what of my time?

I really think my time is best spent when it involves the use of the natural talents God gave me. Writing comes to mind. Also I seem to have certain social abilities to befriend and encourage people from all walks of life. Also animals and children usually like me – or maybe that’s because of my playful spirit.

That’s all for now. Please remember to be kind to and love whomever God intends to be in your life today. You’ll be able to recognize them, because God will intersect your paths somehow, sometime today. peace.