False Advertising

Right now I feel like a scumy corporate ad agency. I said I was hiting the road this morning, but I’m writing from my couch. The reason for the delay is simple: I still haven’t slept. I was up all night doing some necessary editing, preping, and submitting of my poetry.

So tomorrow morning I’m off and my current plans are to spend about a week driving around Michigan, visiting some sites of poetic interest. I’m also hoping to visit some used book stores to search for books of Michigan poetry. I’m especially hoping to find some chapbooks of poets I’ve never heard of.

Also I spoke with Joyce and she received a few items in the mail from her auntie that we’re going to look over. I’ll probably get there Wednesday so stay tuned.

Side Notes: I watched Freedom Writers while home and it’s the first movie I’ve cried at in a long time – a must see feel good movie based on a real life everyday hero. Just how contagious can one person’s hope for others’ become? Watch this movie and see how you feel inside, and remember you’re sitting on your couch far away from the true story. I also watched a documentary called The One Percent about the growing disparity of wealth in America and it was interesting, but mediocre at best. The movie’s creator (wealthy descendent of Johnson & Johnson founder I believe) tried to let on that he really wanted to fix the problem of this disparity, but even when he portrayed himself asking the ‘tough questions,’ he was really asking them for show in neutered places like his home. The movie played more like a “I want to be perceived as caring” vesus “I’m not going to accept things are the way they are no matter the consequences.” Don’t waste your time with it – if the kid wasn’t a wealthy descendent this wouldn’t have made it out of Blockbuster’s 49 cents bin.

POETRY – I received my first rejection letter.

Time to get a good night’s – make that a good two-night’s sleep.

peace.

Submitting Poetry

I’ve been spending more time writing and revising my poetry lately, something that I completely pushed aside years ago. Finally deciding to focus on my writing has allowed me to become more serious about my poetry.

Writing poetry for me is hard to describe, it’s as if I set myself aside and write in another self. I enjoy the process incredibly, but it also comes with warnings. My mind realy appears to go somewhere elser when I write. The main reason I quit writing many years ago (including eventually throwing out almost my complete body of work) was that I couldn’t trust myself in that mind. The thing about me that I love most, my mind, is also the thing that scares me the most.

Well, I’ve decided it’s time to write again, and today I decided to take a step forward and begin submitting my poetry for publication in literary magazines. It often takes quite a while to hear back from these journals, but I’ll update all responses (rejections and submissions) here as they happen.

I may also begin working on producing and self-publishing a chapbook of my poetry, so I’ll update anything new in that department as it happens as well.

peace

Bean Time

So if you’ve been following (no pun intended) you know that I came across a man (twice) who calls himself Bean. He spent a bit more than twenty years in the local asylum (and not for dinking mind you), which is now closed.

I didn’t spend a lot of time with Bean, but I really enjoyed the way he could turn a phrase. His language, if not his persona, was a breath of fresh air for my wearied ears. He called his dog, a beagle with unusually long ears (or is that natural – I don’t know), as a ‘low looker’ because his view of the world was from near the earth. I asked his dog’s name and he replied ’I ain’t no ‘thority to name nothin’ also adding that ‘low lookers are more earth than man.’ I think he meant the dog was owned by the earth, not by him, but I didn’t want to ask for a clarification.

The first time Bean passed by me he was on his way to the town diner for ‘lunch yum’ and ‘hog and eggs’ and ‘lip pie.’ Lip pie, apparently, meant that the pie was so good that the flavor stayed on your lips all day long.

Around his shoulder was an orange mesh onion sack filled with trash he collected along his walk to town. I made some judgemental statement at this point to the effect of “Litterers disgust me,” to which he replied that if there wasn’t litter to pick up along his walk, he’d probably never notice all the beauty on the ground. I thought he was talking about the flowers and other growth, but he said although he loves to look at the flowers and such, he’d much rather enjoy the patterns in the dirt and pebbles on the ground. “Dirt’s like snowflakes, taint two the same,” he said.

So maybe the thought for today should be something about all the little patterns of life that we miss throughout our days because we’re so preoccupied by our own agendas and limited understandings.

May all your patterns lead to love today,

peace

I’ve Got A Secret

So when I was leaving Waynesburg the other day I thought I came up with a great idea that I’ll call: No maps and no main roads.

And I did just that. For as long as I coud take it I drove on backroads with no particular care for time or place, no urgency to be anywhere other than where I was. Well back to back days of backroads was enough for me. I saw a lot of backyards, empty lots, overgrown areas, etc.

Nothing new to report about the trip and nothing new to report on Artie for two days, so I guess it’s the right time to talk about one of my other motives for taking this trip. Just between us, here’s my little secret: I feel like I’m in a transition stage of life, a time to choose betwen two paths. One path is to continue taking English grad classes in Mt. Pleasant which invovles very little uncertainty. Basically I’d take classes for another year or two and complete an MA degree. The other path involves a bit more uncertainty, a bit more change, a bit more faith.

The other path involves leaving Michigan, where I’ve lived my whole life and where my family lives. It involves making a decision to dedicate my life to writing, therefore attending a university which offers an MFA degree. This often considered terminal degree would allow me a greater chance of acquiring a job dedicated to writing, such as teaching. Changing states and schools wouldn’t happen until fall 2009, but greater changes would happen more quickly. Changes such as devoting my time more to reading and writing, allowing my decisions to be made with regards to what is best for my (and others’) writing, and focusing on publishing my poetry.

As I write this I have already decided on path #2 and have begun researching MFA programs around the country. I’ve also started changing my routine a little already. Upon awakening I spend an hour reading before starting my day. I set aside specific time each day to write. I also make certain to read the poetry of others each day as well.

Since I’ve made this decision one thought resonates in my mind every day: “I feel more like myself.”

I pray we all feel more like ourselves today. peace

Crying For Mary

Joyce and I spoke for almost two hours today. Apparently our previous meeting and talks have invigorated her interests in her cousin Mary. They grew apart as they grew up, and although Joyce thought they shared everything when they were younger, she’s beginning to see she was a bit naive.

Apparently she was talking with a girl named Linda who she and Mary went to school with. Linda lives within half an hour of Joyce and things being as they are, they rarely cross paths. When they do see each other they exchange pleasantries, but no conversations.

Yesterday Joyce looked Linda up and they talked for quite a while. Linda shared a lot about Mary and her mother that Joyce didn’t know. The disturbing news was that Linda had heard through the years rumors that men used to pay Mary’s mother to have sex with her daughter.

Even though my mind had been digging for what Joyce had to tell me, I was taken completely speechless when she related this to me. I promised her I would mention that right now this is just a rumor. And we hope there is no truth to the very disturbing rumor that it is.

Joyce is now at least as anxious as I am to find Mary’s son. Before hanging up I made a pledge to help her find out the truth. Honestly though, as I write this I feel a bit helpless. I’m not sure what I can do to help. I’ve run out of leads to find Tom. And I don’t really know where to start looking.

My heart sits thick with thoughts of Mary.

peace

On The Road, Again

Thank you Willie.

So today I set off toward Glennie, MI. But first I had breakfast with a great friend; thank Ray. A final full shower and a load of laundry and I was off.

In case I haven’t mentioned it yet – I stuck an end table between the two front seats of the van. I keep the books and maps I’m looking through on the table. Well today it seemed the books were constantly sliding off the front, then the back of the table. So I stopped at Wild’s True Value in the Houghton Lake area and they helped cut two pieces of scrap wood for me to screw to the front and rear of the table to keep the books from sliding. They were super friendly, very helpful, and only charged me for the wood screws I needed. It’s nice to know there’s still people and places like that around. Thanks guys.

Today from Eckhart Tolle on cd: “life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” WOW! That’s all I can say, wow!

How life should be in Michigan: 12:05p – first deer sighting; 1:15p – wild turkeys; 1:59p – three of the largest mallard ducks I’ve ever seen; rest of day – lamb, goat, cow, horse, etc.

While listening to Tolle talk about how the ego attaches to things, my mind said: “I’m only a man if a woman loves me.” I’ve been thinking and talking a lot lately about relationships, but even I didn’t expect that to show up. Anyway I turned off the cd and pondered that statement for quite a few miles. Hopefully more will be revealed.

Best thing said to me today: “You’re a pretty good looking dead guy.”

Most likely tomorrow I’ll be talking to folks around Glennie looking for Mary’s sister or cousin or whoever this other lady is.

love. to be continued.

Back in Michigan, Again

Sometimes I feel like I’m chasing empty air. All was not lost – I did find someone who thought Mary had worked at Tri-State University, but then they told me Mary had died almost fifteen years ago. She had a sister or cousin who lived up near Glennie, MI. So back to Michigan we go again.

On a Side note: I’ve started listening to Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A New Earth’ on cd (thanks Jeff for the use of the cds). Good stuff.

Another side note: Since I made it back to Mt. Pleasant for a little layover, a few people have asked me about the prevalence of fear thus far. Interestingly enough when they asked me I realized that the fear of what others think of me is still very real in my life. You see I certainly didn’t want anyone to think I’d scraped the plans because of fear. And now the truth: Yes, there has been more fear than I expected & no, I haven’t scrapped the plans – although they seem to be changing a bit.

All love is unconditional, else it’s not love.

peace.

Coldwater to Mt. Pleasant via Akron

So I left Coldwater early Thursday morning, drove to Akron Oh, and then back to Mt. Pleasant, Mi arriving around 3:30 am. Not exactly the most economical route for a trip, but that’s exactly what happened.

While I was in Akron I was given a private tour of a historical house after which I felt led to return home. It seems I had a couple things to take care of back here. The first involved helping someone who I had given my word to, and the second involved making amends.

Neither the helping, nor the amends ended well. The help wasn’t really desired, and my self-centered desires and actions that created the need for amends went further before the amends commenced. Needless to say I’m really disappointed with myself and how I allowed my wants to become mingled where someone else’s needs should have been the priority. Now I feel left with an overwhelming feeling of ‘aloneness.’

I’m thinking God, the Creator, knew very well what I would be feeling and thus he brought me home to be among friends for a few days.

love truly no matter what.

There’s no wifi in Ohio

It should be a crime for any coffee shop to not offer free wifi. Ok, there are bigger issues out there, but seriously throughout Ohio I stopped at so many coffee shops, including Starbucks, and none of them offered wifi. Thank goodness for Caribou Coffee in Akron.

 

Ok so I woke up from my peaceful night’s sleep at the Coldwater, Michigan Super Wal-Mart, and hit the open road toward West Unity, Ohio. The more I drove, the closer I got, the more excited / anxious I became, and the louder I sang.

 

On a side note: I had a few moments in the van driving down the blue highway when loneliness tried to overtake me. That’s a bit ridiculous, I think, since I’ve only been gone a few days.

 

Anyway back to the story – To my surprise I wasn’t nervous at all once I found the right house. The biggest dilemma my mind played with was whether or not I should park in the drive-way; I did. Walking up the drive I saw a pair of little eyes peeking beneath the shades – and then I got excited because someone was home.

 

The lady of the house informed me that she was not Mary Moskowitz, (the lady whom Artie addressed his unsent letter to) and furthermore she had no idea who Mary was. I showed her the envelope, including Mary’s name and this woman’s address and then she informed me that she and her husband had bought the house from a retired couple almost twenty years ago. Perhaps Mary lived here before them.

 

Anyway she thought she might have the phone number for the couple whom they bought the house from. Next to her refrigerator she opened, more prying then sliding, what she said was her ‘junk’ drawer. Papers were jammed in there so tight that I knew there was no chance of finding anything, let alone a phone number form two decades ago. After five awkward minutes she let out a big ‘A-ha’ and handed me over a dog eared business card.

 

I called the number and left a message detailing who I am and who I’m looking for and why. The message, I hoped, would prove so intriguing that anyone would have to call me back just to see if the whole thing was true or made up. So far I haven’t heard anything and even though I’m over-excited, I’ve decided I’m waiting until tomorrow to call back.

 

Kudos: Coldwater Super Wal-Mart (WARNING: 2 straight nights of vandwelling in Wal-Marts may be hazardous to your mental health); Red Rambler Coffee in Wauseon, Ohio – the coffee was so good that I forgot to ask if they had wifi (Seriously if you’re anywhere near Wauseon – stop and get a cup); Caribou Coffee in Akron for wifi; ipod for playing the coolest music and helping me smile along the open road; and a very special kudo to the snake in Perrysburg, Ohio that didn’t bite me today.

Last Night In My Bed

Tomorrow I move out of the house I was renting and into the 1988 GMC Vandura. Today was filled with packing and moving, and tomorrow will be filled with the same + cleaning.

OK – now it’s starting to sink in – I’ve been preparing for a few months and we’ll see just how well I prepared for this excursion. Today I got a reminder that no matter how well I follow the boyscout credo, life will still happen. Today life happened in two distinct surprises: 1) The side door on the van didn’t want to shut – I had to play with the door’s innards for a few minutes before it would latch shut & 2) When I went to start my laptop the power button snapped & I had to wiggle it for a few to get it turned on (please don’t read into that last statement).

Anyway I’m excited to start the adventure, I feel like I’ve put so much on hold just waiting for it to get here. And now it’s here.

Many have asked if I have a specific route I’m planning and all I can say is we’ll see where the search for ‘Artie’ takes me. I’m sure wherever I happen to go, I’ll be following the road to happy destiny. And perhaps I’ll meet some of you along the way.

On an entirely different note: With all my recent contemplation of love I think it’s fitting that I end tonight by telling the one whose heart God, the Creator, has for mine that I miss her already. I love you very much, wherever you are. Sleep well.

peace.