Last Night In My Bed

Tomorrow I move out of the house I was renting and into the 1988 GMC Vandura. Today was filled with packing and moving, and tomorrow will be filled with the same + cleaning.

OK – now it’s starting to sink in – I’ve been preparing for a few months and we’ll see just how well I prepared for this excursion. Today I got a reminder that no matter how well I follow the boyscout credo, life will still happen. Today life happened in two distinct surprises: 1) The side door on the van didn’t want to shut – I had to play with the door’s innards for a few minutes before it would latch shut & 2) When I went to start my laptop the power button snapped & I had to wiggle it for a few to get it turned on (please don’t read into that last statement).

Anyway I’m excited to start the adventure, I feel like I’ve put so much on hold just waiting for it to get here. And now it’s here.

Many have asked if I have a specific route I’m planning and all I can say is we’ll see where the search for ‘Artie’ takes me. I’m sure wherever I happen to go, I’ll be following the road to happy destiny. And perhaps I’ll meet some of you along the way.

On an entirely different note: With all my recent contemplation of love I think it’s fitting that I end tonight by telling the one whose heart God, the Creator, has for mine that I miss her already. I love you very much, wherever you are. Sleep well.

peace.

Almost Vandwelling

Two more nights of luxurious sleep in my comfy queen-sized bed then into the van. The van bed does include 4 inches of foam, but nothing to get jealous over.

A few times today I became a bit emotional. I had dinner with the rents and i got a little verklempt. I did shed a few tears later in the evening. As I write this I feel better about leaving than I have all month.

I spent a lot of time tonight sitting with the word love and wrestling with all the varieties and flavors people often peddle as love. I must admit my mind has never done very well with theories of absolute proportion such as love, so it might seem odd for me to spend so much time considering love.

I have no defense for what my mind might be doing, but I will offer a bit of reasoning. I believe that we all secretly desire a life surrounded by love. Some of us have done so well at burying this desire that it often shows up twisted and unrecognizable within ourselves. Sometimes we fill ourselves with everything else that when love shows up we have no place to put it.

Anyway my main mental struggle with love is this: If love is the most amazing emotion in the world, and if love creates health and harmony, and if we all agree that the more love we have in the world the better the world is for all of us, then why don’t we spend more of our only limited resource, time, surrounding ourselves with love and focusing on how we can love others?

If God, our Creator, is love – then it would follow that the only moments I truly spend with Him are when I’m acting from love.

1 Week To Go

It still hasn’t completely sunk in that in one week I’ll be leaving. Even sooner, in 4 days, my lease is up and I move into the – still nameless – van.

A loneliness is settling in the house as we begin the slow procession of moving possessions to square storage units larger than my new ‘mobile’ home.

The official 1 week to go – to do list:

1. Finalize van interior modifications, 2. Separate possessions into 2 categories: Van vs. Storage, 3. Pack said possessions, 4. Purchase new van tires, 5. Watch ‘Into The Wild’ one more time, 6. Get friends’ mailing addresses, 7. Everything else I can’t think of right now.

FYI: Although I’ve been trying to dig up info on anyone who might have known ‘Artie,’ I’ve as yet had no new leads. The plan is still to start in Ohio. So I guess that means that next week I’ll be dwelling in Ohio. More to come, hopefully.

peace. 

Mentally Adventurous

So in a week I’ll be living in a van. What route does one have to take in life for this statement to be an invitation to a meditative journey of freedom? I wonder what my old high-school guidance counselor would say. Anyway the hour is almost upon me and my mind is beginning its tricks as my thoughts have been rather ubiquitous and unorganized lately. I thought it might be fun to take a peek into my mind for a minute. Here’s what it looks like throughout the day:

1 – A lot of my time is spent in contemplation about life, love, and my relationships to friends, family, belief systems, money, emotions, etc.

2 – I have moments of deep loneliness – I think I’m pre-grieving leaving all my daily comforts (especially my friends).

3 – What are all the last minute preparations necessary to live on the road?

4 – Fears are kicking in strong – mostly fears of the unknown and fears of failure (which I think is really just the fear of what other’s will think of me if I fail).

5 – I’ve been focusing more on writing poetry, but all that comes up is love poetry – which I generally don’t write too much of. Maybe it’s all the emotional turbulence being created by preparing to leave.

6 – What about the book? For two days I haven’t thought about the book – and this is one of the reasons for the trip.

7 – And as you can imagine, these thoughts tend to travel in cycles. One really good sign is that through all of the diverse thought topics and patterns, my level of serenity has stayed relatively consistent. The gentle sways that have occurred in my serenity are due to an upswing in surfacing emotions. This is a good thing as it leads to a growing level of emotional maturity.

8 – God exists in many of these thoughts, and I’ve really been leaning on the simple prayer “God, help me to want what you want.” This, I hope, keeps selfish agendas out of the way.

That’s all for now. peace.

Today: Three By Bach

There’s three quotes from author Richard Bach that mesh today together:

“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.” – I thought I had deciphered the mailing address on the letter, but when I took the name and address to the library to check against the phonebook’s information, there was no match. The library doesn’t keep old phonebooks, so it’s still possible that the information is correct, albeit outdated. I consider this a minor letdown and I’ve decided to start the search for Artie in Ohio by knocking on doors. Maybe, just maybe someone will know where I can find more information or direction.

 “Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.” – Over the past few days I’ve been working a lot on my atypical love poem chapbook which offers moments, reflections really, on love and lost attempts. In this state of mind I can’t help but be rejuvenated in the vibrancy of hope and electricity of love that exudes from this quote. When I believe, I remain forever hopeful.

“Can miles really separate you from friends…If you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there?” – This really warms my heart and reminds me that love isn’t dependent on physical presence, but rather on levels of intimacy that, having been developed, never dissapear. In this regard I’ll be taking all my loved ones with me.

peace.

2 Weeks To Go

My current plans have me leaving on the morning of June 3rd, which is exactly two weeks from tomorrow.

Over the past three days I’ve had a stomach full of nervousness. It’s as if the excitement of all that I’m going to find on this trip is churning my stomach like a washing machine. Almost everything about this trip is currently unknown to me, including where I will go, whom I will meet, and ultimately what i will find.

Adding to the nervousness is a building sense of loneliness. I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the loneliness I knew would appear during my travels, but I really didn’t expect it to happen until a few weeks into the trip. I definitely didn’t expect it to hit me two weeks before I even left, but here it is.

Sometimes I think about what I’m getting ready to do and just wonder how did I get to this point, but at the same time I spend almost all my time thinking and preparing for the trip.

Today I did a little work and I may have actually stumbled upon the whereabouts of someone who knew Artie. I’m trying hard not to get overexcited, because it could end up being a dead end, but on the other hand I can’t believe that I really may have found a link to this guy. I should know for sure after I check something at the library within the next few days. If it works out, it appears I’ll be starting in Ohio. Not as exotic a start as I envisioned, but still it may be a start.

peace.

Van Interior

Late Friday evening the van was finally released, after much needed repairs and TLC, from my mechanic’s garage. So Saturday we celebrated BVI Day (Build Van Interior Day).

I’m happy to say that all my fingers are still properly in place, although there was a moment when the gremlins within the circular saw made a run for my right hand. My bed is a simple design (as you see in the pictures It really is just a board on a bunch of wooden legs). After much discussion with family and trusted friends I decided to build my bed a bit larger than I had first designed. By doing so I have limited my storage to what will fit under the bed, but I gain the ability to stretch out when I sleep (The joy of small comforts). 

The wood for the bed was donated by a friend and the foam padding is borrowed from my parents. I did spend almost three dollars for the fabric to cover the padding, bringing the total cost of the bed to $2.87.

peace.

The Letter

I’ve always been a fan of used bookstores, each having its own distinct personality. I still get excited before I walk into one of these stores, because there’s just no telling what books I will find. I’m not a collector and have no interest in finding rare books in the monetary sense. But I always seem to find a book that I’ve never heard of, hence ‘rare to me.’

Over the years I’ve purchased hundreds of used books from several used bookstores. Often these books sit on my shelf for months or years before I actually take them down to read them. A lot of them hold hidden treasures beyond their words; they often contain bookmarks (both handmade and commercially created), newspaper clippings (often older than I am), pictures, slips of paper and cardboard, and lists of all sorts.

Which brings me to the letter.

A few years ago I purchased a copy of Thomas a Kempis’ ‘The Imitation of Christ.’ I buy a lot of older books based on religious ideas and ideals, so this was nothing out of the ordinary – just another book swooped up most-likely in a diverse handful.

It was last fall when I was scanning through the book that I noticed a small, neatly folded blank envelope tucked within the pages. At further glance I made out faded addresses. The envelope appeared to be unopened and had no postage.

Now I’d love to say that I pondered for days whether it was morally right to open the envelope, but I lifted it up to the light and then ripped into it as I saw it contained something. That something is what appears to be an unsent letter from ‘Artie.’

I’ll reveal the letter in full at some point in the future. But, let me tell you a little about it now: The letter’s author is writing to tell of his immediate plans and change to his life. He believes that his Creator has offered him a way to outgrow his own selfish ways. Everyday, for five years, he will be offered a new learning to aid in the process, creating complete self-lessness.

Finding the letter launched me on the idea to search for this man and what he learned. I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about what may have happened to this man. Maybe nothing since the letter was never sent, but I just have to find out. I’ll try to keep this site updated throughout my search for him.

peace.

3 Weeks To Go

By this time I had hoped to have the van interior completed, including having the bed built, but unfortunately I’m behind my mental schedule. The van is still with the mechanic, but I will have her back by the end of the week.

Which means this weekend will be ‘interior weekend.’

Those who know me and my extensive knowledge (read: lack of experience – but ability to differentiate a hammer from a screwdriver) of tools and woodworking, let us pray together that God likes me best with all my phalanges intact.

Anyway I will include pictures of my progress with the van’s interior as the weekend develops.

peace.

Introducing Artie

It’s just four short weeks now until I move into the van and head out to seek and write. It seems like the right time to introduce the man responsible for my quest; the man whose experience I am chasing.

His name is Thomas R. T. Wilson; although he signed the letter (more on this later) ’Artie.’

I must be honest and tell you all that I really don’t know much about him at this point, but it’s an intriguing story that needs to be written. More to come later.

peace.