“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” -Henry David Thoreau
Over the years I have spent endless hours, conscious and otherwise, creating a life separated from myself; a life separated from others. I’ve used many things to escape this skin I call my own. I’ve built mazes of intricacies keeping everyone who is not me from intimately knowing me. In the labyrinth I too became lost, or perhaps had always been lost.
Ever since I can remember I’ve viewed life differently than what I believed I was supposed to. I’ve feared both good and evil. I’ve believed lies. I’ve created delusions and kept them from myself. I’ve loved again and again, learning only later that love wears no masks and that there’s a huge difference between loving someone and wanting to love someone.
All in all I’ve had a rather diverse life. The Capitalists will be happy to know I’ve generated income at over forty locations. The Academics will ponder my degrees. The poets will be cooed with the verse I’ve surrendered. In fact only God and The Muse will question why it is that I haven’t yet found someone to love.
The answer, however painful to my ego, is that even when I’ve deluded myself into believing I was seeking someone to love, I was really only seeking somebody to love me. I’ve had it backwards for all these years.
I no longer want to die with the song still in me, therefore I’ve decided to make some major changes in my life (of which I will write about in the future).
peace.
